I have been very blessed to be surrounded by such encouraging people. People say such nice words about me going to Japan. They use words like courage and bold! I don’t think of myself as having courage or being bold though. I had thought it over several times before coming and I had planned for years even, but somehow it still seemed a little impulsive to me and maybe foolish. I could have studied the language more or learned more about the culture. I could have done this or that, but I had no space in my schedule for the language course. And who actually has time for outside reading in college? I barely had time for the inside reading! And yet, I would still insecurely contemplate that maybe I should have prepared more in some way.
But on the other hand, I knew that a part of me wanted the challenge to be raw. I wanted a challenge and satisfaction of finally accomplishing my most desired dreams. And I know I would learn much faster just being there. Maybe it wouldn’t be easy, and it hasn’t been. I get agitated, and I have to diligently apply myself to understand or figure out the simplest of things. Daily tasks and errands can prove very stressful, but it’s all worth it I think. The continuous drill of the language into my whirling and desperate mind is fulfilling when I find that I have accomplished a previously impossible feat! Even if I leave a difficult situation the same way I started, I know that I’m not really the same. Every moment is another chance to learn.
I also wanted to be an example of how possible the seemingly impossible can really be. I wanted to be an encouragement to others to come who might be wavering in their will to explore. I wanted my beloved underclassmen and younger family members to be inspired to take a daring move.
So despite my occasional discomforts, I can’t complain. I know that I am very much exactly where I want to be. And it has only been my first week! Of course it’s difficult to get in the habit of things! I’m not even used to working full-time. I get sleepy every single day after lunch. It’s like clock-work! I sincerely want to nap. Inside I begin to feel like a poutty children I teach. A temper takes over my consciousness, and unwillingly, lethargy creeps over my entire body. I desperately want to throw my arms with clenched my fists and collapse on the floor into a blissful sleep. But then I awake from the daydream and begin teaching…
As I have no life other than work, no internet and as my kindle refuses to cooperate, I get bored often. And I miss my adventurous and death-defying friends, but they have still been wonderful companions even from far away. I really appreciate all the love and support. I don’t take it for granted. And Ellie, your advice was perfect. I was only looking for honey, but you gave me the words of wisdom I needed! Thanks again! ❤